DOC: Hijo, bakit mo naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
BOY: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta
ng AIDS test! tapos sasabihin pa niya...
THINK POSITIVE
Showing posts with label cat's joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cat's joke. Show all posts
ALIN po?
Ice breaker… hehehe
Tatay: Anak, ibili monga ako ng softdrink
Anak: Coke o Pepsi?
Tatay:Coke
Anak: Diet o Regular?
Tatay:regular
Anak: Bote o in can?
Tatay:Bote
Anak: 8 oz o litro?
Tatay:Bwiset, tubig na nga lang.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Hayop ka!
Anak: Baka o kambing?
Tatay: Anak, ibili monga ako ng softdrink
Anak: Coke o Pepsi?
Tatay:Coke
Anak: Diet o Regular?
Tatay:regular
Anak: Bote o in can?
Tatay:Bote
Anak: 8 oz o litro?
Tatay:Bwiset, tubig na nga lang.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Hayop ka!
Anak: Baka o kambing?
Lie Detector
More from the email:
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:38 AM
From:
To:
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.. His wife Marsha had long ago given uptrying to get him to change.
One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was arobot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?', they asked.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The Robot then alked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. " The Ten Commandments ," answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down andsaid, " am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knockedhim out of his chair.
Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad at Tommy. After all, he's your son!"The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her right across the room.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:38 AM
From:
To:
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.. His wife Marsha had long ago given uptrying to get him to change.
One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was arobot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?', they asked.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The Robot then alked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. " The Ten Commandments ," answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down andsaid, " am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knockedhim out of his chair.
Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad at Tommy. After all, he's your son!"The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her right across the room.
LAW & "DIS" ORDER...AWESOME
Messages from my Email come pouring in...
here's sharing you one :)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
here's sharing you one :)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
kape...kape...
Sa Starbucks...
Jose: Waiter, isang coffee nga!
Waiter: Sir, DECAF po ba?
Jose: Siempre!!!! Ano ka ba? Lahat ng kape, de-cup!
Bakit? Meron na bang naka plato?
Gandang araw po :)
Jose: Waiter, isang coffee nga!
Waiter: Sir, DECAF po ba?
Jose: Siempre!!!! Ano ka ba? Lahat ng kape, de-cup!
Bakit? Meron na bang naka plato?
Gandang araw po :)
Meow
Kawawa kanina yung mag-ina sa may
Commonwealth Avenue, Quezon City.
Bigla kasing tumawid yung anak niya
kaya hinabol niya.
Dalawa tuloy silang nasagasaan ng bus.
Gumapang yung ina sa anak niya at sabi niya
"Meow!"
Commonwealth Avenue, Quezon City.
Bigla kasing tumawid yung anak niya
kaya hinabol niya.
Dalawa tuloy silang nasagasaan ng bus.
Gumapang yung ina sa anak niya at sabi niya
"Meow!"
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