LAW & "DIS" ORDER...AWESOME

Messages from my Email come pouring in...
here's sharing you one :)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

TOUCHSTONE HILLS

Dear Friends,

I am happy to announce that my book
TOUCHSTONE HILLS
Based on a True Story

is now available online. It is a story about the youth, for the youth, based on actual events that transpired in my own life. The making of this book is a miracle by itself, along with other miraculous circumstances behind the preparation of this book
Get your copy thru

http://www.divisoria.net/tohibbaontrs.html

Thanks,
Carol delos Santos

The untold story of hundreds of young people in the Philippines........ portrayed through the eyes of a nineteen-year-old girl.

The story of Daphne --- an officer of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK), UP student, born and raised in traditional religious beliefs, and her awakening moments to the awesome reality of God.

================================================================
'...Do you have any idea what a touchstone really is? It's pretty interesting, you know. A touchstone is a siliceous rock that is used to test the purity of gold. It's an ordinary-looking rock with a noble purpose --- to ensure purity --- just as our Touchstone Hills has become testing ground for the pureness of our hearts, if you see what I mean,' she said.

'That is interesting,' I muttered.

'And that's not all,' she went on with much enthusiasm. 'The word touchstone was also used in Shakepeare's play 'As You Like It'. It referred to a tradition among early Christians --- an attitude of willingness to look foolish in order to achieve things that are good and worthwhile.'

'How very appropriate,' I said. 'Because we did look foolish to a lot of people. But I don't see how it could've achieved anything good.... In the corporate world, this would have been like a full-blown image crisis, a public relations catastrophe.'
===============================================================
A book that every teen-ager and parent must read...

http://www.divisoria.net/tohibbaontrs.html